Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
