Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
