just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
