there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
