i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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