she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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