guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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