the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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