so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
