So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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