Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
