He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
