i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
