Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
