we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize