what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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