It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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