Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize