he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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