Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
