If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
