My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
