there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
