I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Also, beer. Big fan.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
