WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
