How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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