Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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