remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
