:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
