i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
