im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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