omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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