Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
