you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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