i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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