Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
