someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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