her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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