matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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