Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
