Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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