the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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