honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
In America we eat man semen.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
