Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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