Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
did you just send me my own nude
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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