thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
