im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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