this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
