cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
