I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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