I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
