I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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