So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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