Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
