I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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