In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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