white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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