Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
