i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
