Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
