Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
