Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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