my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
