I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
