Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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