we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
