hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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