checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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