WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
