we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
