dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
