a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
