you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
