hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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