You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
