call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize