He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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