I wish I could punch you in the face.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
