The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
