Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
