i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
