i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
