How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
there is glitter all over my balls
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