I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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