Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
