The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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