My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I bet he comes in French.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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