I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
