Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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