The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
