i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
