Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
