it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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