he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize