She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Life is so much better after having sex.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
